What is a BDSM Checklist?
Basically, a BDSM Checklist is an extremely long multiple choice questionnaire of kinks, from mild to wild, and you indicate on the list two things for each item. 1) Have you ever done the activity? 2) How much you like or dislike (or THINK you will) the activity?
The last checklist I filled out had 255 items on the list, and I’m sure that there have been additions over time. That’s the great thing about us kinky folks. We’re pretty damned creative.
Who should fill out a BDSM Checklist?
As with all other aspects of our chosen activities, completing the BDSM checklist is completely up to the person(s) involved. It is a GREAT tool for both Topfolk and bottomfolk alike. During the negotiation process for play and BDSM relationships, this can simplify the conversation, and give both (all) of the players a black and white reference for where the current boundaries lie.
I encourage Topfolk to complete the checklist as much as bottomfolk. After all, limits aren’t the only thing the checklist can be used for!
What do you DO with a Checklist?
- You can negotiate a scene with your checklist, efficiently providing the list means that the Top/bottom gets an overview of what you like and don’t. It’s a great starting point for negotiations.
- You can negotiate D/s relationships with your checklist. Much the same as for a scene, but far more involved. After all, you do NOT want to end up in a long term relationship with someone who insists on being pissed on in the shower every time you come home from work if you abhor water sports and can’t even use the urinal if someone else is in the public restroom.
- You can surprise your partner with something they love love love, but you’re only lukewarm to. They could possibly turn the tables and do the same for you!
- … What do else do you use YOUR list for???
What if things change?
You always knew you would hate having someone bite you. You’ve seen a million and one vampire movies and you know that the moment someone bites you on the neck, you’re going to smack them senseless. You put this on your list as something you haven’t tried and you don’t have any real desire to try.
Then, one day, you’re in the middle of a scene and your partner nips you on the neck. Still TECHNICALLY biting, but nothing like you thought it would be. It blows your mind and suddenly, you want to be bitten. You want it soft, hard, in between, and it’s your new fun thing.
The beauty of our kinks (and sometimes the bane) is that things fluctuate. For women and for men. Depending on the time of the month, the mood you’re in, the phase of the moon, whatever… you suddenly love things you’ve always been ambivalent about and you are ambivalent or downright dislike things you used to love.
My recommendation, for what it’s worth, is that you update the list once a year. If you tried things that you thought you’d like and hated them, update. If you tried things you hated with a different partner or a different situation and find that you love it now, update.
Remember, people grow and evolve and change. So do relationships. It’s natural to assume that your likes and dislikes will do the same.
I’m in! Where do I get this BDSM Checklist?
Well, what do you think? Do you have or use a checklist? Why or why not? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.